Avoid Tantrums by Providing Alternatives
Piaget’s Cognitive Stages of Development
Many parents will be only too familiar with this problem. Your child is playing with something they shouldn’t be playing with, or doing something that is potentially dangerous and when you try to stop them they throw a screaming tantrum.
How parents deal with these situations is one of the big questions of parenting. Positive parenting involving tolerance and lots of praise is well known to contribute toward the development of social competence and self confidence. But parents must remain in charge.
The typical toddler will, on average, face up to 20 restrictions on their activities every hour. How would you like to be told what to do or what not to do once every three minutes?
Parents often need to assert control when a child is doing what comes naturally but can be risky to them or to others around them. Putting a sharp metal knife in their mouths, fighting or poking one another in the eyes are all common examples of how children will test boundaries while investigating the world around them.
Providing the child with alternatives can be an excellent way to enable them to continue to investigate and learn. For example, you might simply exchange a metal knife for a plastic one or a spoon. Or let them find out how much it can hurt to be poked in the eye.
Alternatives can provide an effective way to head off a potentially tense situation, but they don’t always work. It’s a good idea to first acknowledge what the child is trying to do and then introduce them to the alternative. Its then important to engage the child with the alternative by using it yourself and makign it appear more attractive than whatever they were doing previously.
There will be plenty of occasions when you will not be in a position or able to offer alternatives and these will serve to educate your child that the world has its limits. But providing safe alternatives to potentially risky or harmful behavior can help to reinforce a positive relationship with your children and teach them that other options are often available.
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I recommend camping as a great way to bond with children, to provide them with freedom to investigate the world around them and engage with their parents or carers. But always remember to ensure safety by using the right camping equipment. You may like to take part in a bushcraft course where children will learn a variety of skills including how to handle a bushcraft knife, start a fire without matches and tracking skills.
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