Avoid Confrontation by Providing Alternatives
Jean Piaget – Father of Child Psychology
Most parents must have encountered this situatioin at one time or another. Your child wants to do something, or play with something that is unsuitable or dangerous and when you try to stop them or take it away all hell breaks loose.
The way in whcih parents deal with these sometimes frequent situations is one of the biggest trials that they must face. It is recognized that high levels of parental tolerance accompanied with praise can help children to develop social competence and self confidence. But parents must remain in charge.
A typical toddler can be told to stop doing what they are doing up to as much as 20 times in every hour. Nione of us would like to be told what to do or not to do every three minutes?
Parental control is often needed when a child is doing what comes naturally but putting themselves or their peers at risk in the process. Putting a sharp metal knife in their mouths, fighting or poking one another in the eyes are all common examples of how children will test boundaries while investigating the world around them.
Giving the child an alternative can be an excellent way to allow them to continue to safely investigate and learn. You may, for example, sway the metal knife for a safe spoon or maybe a plastic knife. Or let them find out how much it can hurt to be poked in the eye.
Alternatives can provide an effective way to head off a potentially tense situation, but they don’t always work. Its important to first acknowledge what the child is trying to do before suggesting and introducing an alternative. Its then important to encourage the child to engage with the alternative by using it yourself and convincing the child that it is more interesting than whatever they were doing before.
There are goind to be many occasions when it isn’t possible or convenient to provide alternatives but these can provide a valuable lesson that the world has its limits. Providing yourr children with appealing alternatives to dangerous or harmful behavior can be a great way to develop a positive relationship and teach them that other options often exist.
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I recommend camping as a great way to bond with children, to provide them with freedom to investigate the world around them and engage with their parents or carers. But always remember to ensure safety by using the right camping equipment. You may like to take part in a bushcraft course where children will learn a variety of skills including how to handle a bushcraft knife, start a fire without matches and tracking skills.
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